DIY

First-Time Dating Yourself Ideas

We feel tired and empty inside in some way when we get back from work; we don’t feel happy or have a good time hanging out with friends. Another way of saying this is that our feelings about all of our relationships haven’t brought us happiness or made us feel heard. Or, some of us may have gone through a heartfelt divorce or a painful breakup or experienced uneasy feeling; we gradually become disappointed, start to doubt, and mistrust others and ourselves. If you are looking for a reason and a solution to get away from such negative feelings out of your mind, I think you’ve come to the right place.

1. What is self-dating?

Self-dating is simple the act of spending time doing something you love, alone and on your own terms, without interference from anyone else.

2. Why do we need to date ourselves?

We all sometimes feel left out in our relationships, even when everything seems fine externally. Occasionally, you may be with a group of friends who are very supportive and get along well, hanging out for coffee or just having a girl’s day out, yet you might not really be into it

This can be a signal from your body and mind that they need attention from you. Perhaps there are unmet needs or aspects of your self-care that have been neglected for too long. Hence, when we take the time to meet our own needs, we will feel happy and whole, whether we are with others or by ourselves.

3. Overcome the barriers of thought

Spending time alone also means doing things alone without involving anyone else.

Here are some barriers that I think some of us might face in our thinking: the barrier of daily tasks, the social barrier, and the internal barrier.

The barrier of daily tasks

You might ask whether activities like grocery shopping alone, cleaning the house, or running errands count as spending time, right?

My answer is these are just tasks that need to be done daily, and they are tied to duties we must perform and cannot choose to ignore. Hence, dating yourself means choosing any activities you genuinely love and enjoy, based on your own interests and preferences. This is the easiest and simple definition of its that I understand and find most relatable.

The social barrier

Or, you might ask, ‘Will it look weird if I go somewhere in public alone? Will others look at me and say something about me behind my back?’ The answer is nobody will care about you; they are too busy with their own business. The way you feel is just your feelings telling you, and part of it is trying to protect you from doing things differently than you’re used to.

What I want you to know is that you deserve to have your own time and do things you love. You matter, and you are valued and worth more than anything else. Why should you care so much about what others thinks? The only person you should be taking care of is you and yourself only. So, why shouldn’t you?

The internal barrier

There’s one thing I want to mention: we often doubt trying something new when we have no experience with it and haven’t heard of anyone else doing it. Additionally, we humans are very good at procrastinating, which I personally do. We start asking ourselves how we should find time for this when we feel already buried alive by a heavy schedule filled with school, assignments, or family, work and children. I actually feel the same way as you do when thinking about spending time for myself. So, what would be a solution for these complaints? The answer is MAKING TIME :))

Obviously, a day has only 24 hours, and there is no exception; everyone needs to divine their time wisely among various activities to make their life more meaningful and their day more effective. And, you are no exception. Have you thought about how others manage to do it? If they can, so can you.

MAKING TIME for yourself is the only way.

4. Benefits of self-dating

The profound impact of going on a solo date was more than I could have ever explained. Let me share my story, and I’ll keep it brief. In my final year of university, I faced some of the toughest months of my life. Overwhelmed by stress and burnout, I was anxious about graduating, leaving a part-time job I dislike, which helps me survive during college years, and the pressure to find a better opportunity once I was done with school. I couldn’t ignore the mounting pressure; it forces me to confront the daunting choices about my future career. Trapped in a relentless cycle of negativity, I knew I needed a change.

So, I let go of all those burdens. I decided to break free from the routines that had brought me to this point. I chose to do something I’d never considered before—a real date with myself. This wasn’t just about doing something different; it was an opportunity to reconnect with myself on a deeper level.

Nowadays, taking time for ourselves often slips through the cracks. Indulging in spending time alone can be transformative. When you date yourself, you’re not just giving yourself a break; you’re embarking on a deeper journey of self-discovery and appreciation.

The outcome of my solo date was more profound than I cold have ever expressed.

Increase self-recognition and self-validation: First off, a solo date allows for self-recognition and self-validation. It’s about acknowledging your worth without needing others to confirm it. For example, on a quiet walk through the park or sitting alone at a random cafe, you learn to listen to your own thoughts and validate your feelings and desires. This act of self-validation is empowering. It teaches us to trust our instinct and make decisions that align more closely with our true self.
Willing to forgive and appreciate yourself: Spending time alone creates a space to forgive and appreciate yourself. It’s easy to be hard on ourselves, but stepping back helps us understand our journey, recognize our efforts, and accept out imperfections. This acceptance fosters a kinder internal dialogue, which is very crucial for mental health.
Relieve stress and anxiety: Alone time can significantly reduce stress and anxiety. It provides a break from the social expectations that often weigh us down or duties tied to our responsibility we have to maintain, allowing our minds and bodies to reset. This pause can sharpen our focus and discipline too, as managing how we spend our solo time can lead to better self-management skills.
Promote personal fulfillment and build resilience: There’s also the aspect of personal fulfillment that comes from pursuing activities that truly resonate with our soul. Whether it’s reading, painting, or simply sitting at the park, these moments contribute to a sense of complete well-being, both physically and mentally. Over time, this builds greater independence and resilience; we equip ourselves with patience and skills needed to handle stressful situations more effectively.
Nurture adaptability and creativity: When you’re by yourself, you’re master of your time and choices, encouraging you to think differently and embrace new experiences. This flexibility can lead to unexpected discoveries and creative inspirations.

No matter what activities you chose to spend time alone enriching your life. It builds a foundation of self-love and acceptance, enhances your capacity to cope with life’s challenges, and sparks a creativity that comes from within. So why now schedule a solo date? It might just be the best relationship you’ve ever been interested in.

5. Simple steps for planning a solo date

You might wonder what steps are necessary to plan the perfect date for yourself. The answer is quite straightforward; just follow these 4 steps, and feel free to skip any that seem unnecessary.

Plan your solo date with ease and joy

Choose a day and time: Mark your calendar. Choose a specific day and time that feel comfortable for you. Sometimes, trying something new can be daunting, so marking it on your calendar will help you commit and know precisely when to take action.
Pick activity(ies): Decide on activities you’ve always wanted to do alone but never had the time for, or perhaps something you’ve seen others do and wished to try yourself. It’s easy! Don’t judge yourself or think you’re spoiling yourself because you are busy all the time thinking about others, and now it’s time for yourself. This is a way to affirm that you matter and deserve to treat yourself the way you treat someone you love.
Make a reservation: To ensure your date goes smoothly, make a reservation a week in advance. This commitment will help you avoid any unforeseen interruptions during your date. For example, having a reservation means you won’t have to wait for your turn during busy times, allowing you to enjoy your moments without any disruption.
Dress up: choose an outfit that makes you feel good. Select clothes you’ve longed to wear but never had the chance to, or choose what feels most comfortable and feel the real you. Most importantly, cherish this time alone as you would with a loved one, and enjoy the time spent in your own company.

6. 11 Ideas for spending time alone

Coffee time: Spending time alone at the coffee shop is a great idea for your day. Order one of your favorite drinks and take a slow moment to enjoy each sip as it soothes your souls. Listen to the background music; it creates a beautiful backdrop for you to relax and explore your inner thoughts. It’s like having a date with an old friend you haven’t seen in a long time.
Restaurant night date: Making a trip to your favorite restaurant is also a nice idea that you should think of. I heard a phrase someone said that ‘Food is symbolic of love when words are inadequate.’ Alan D. Wolfelt. Have you ever notices that most people often seem so happy or in a good mood when they are in restaurant? So, why don’t you have a great moment with yourself at your favorite restaurant once?
Movie time: In general, movies are a must-have activity on the dating list of couple. So, I think we can go for a movie after work or sometime in a day to go for a movie with yourself. I used to go to the movie theater quite often when I was sad or had personal issues by myself, and it brings a sense of acceptance and really enjoyments, which I couldn’t have when I went with another. I don’t know how to describe how good it feels, but I can guarantee you that you will feel something inside you moving and say thank you for being willing to spend time for them.
Write thank you note send to yourself: If you quite concerned about the expense you have to spend on your solo date, writing a thank-you note to yourself would be a perfect choice for you. It’s very simple, you just need a paper and a pen or pencil writing for whatever you want to talk to yourself, or just something simple like a conversation with yourself about what you haven’t said to yourself for a long time and feel quite awkward saying it out loud. Your mind and your thought will absolutely appreciate you a lot of being physically talk out loud and present on the paper, you allow it to show up and this shows like an acceptable action that you show to yourself without anyone knowing of and none judging from others or feel embarrass or shy what we are saying and thinking about ourself.
Ride a bicycle: Making the body move is also seen as a way to relieve the stress weight on your shoulder because all of the tiredness is going to wash away by our movement. Cycling is seen as a way to make you feel better, recommended by experts. You might think, why is that? and it makes no sense to you. Let’s think, do you feel stresses or think about unfinished tasks that need to be done when you cycling? I think you would probably not be able to do 2 different jobs at a time. All of your focus at the moment you ride a bike is watching the road and adjusting your wheel and controlling the speed you put on each pedal to follow the road you are on. Additionally, you hardly ignore the beautiful scene along the road when you cycling, and you also feel the gentle breeze comes right to your face and scene on the way you are riding. I think it would be really fun, and you will feel it when you give it a try.
Go to the beach (or other outside activities): Going to the beach would be an ideal option if you are live close to it. Getting close to nature would never be a false way to approach closer to your inner self, because there is only nature with you, free from external interruptions and adjustments. The shooting sounds of the ocean, combined with physical activities like walking, offer both relaxation and rejuvenation. Additionally, the fresh air and sunlight can lift your spirits, while the wide ocean view inspires deep thoughts and creativity.
Enjoy a solo picnic: Organizing a solo picnic can be delightful way to enjoy some quality time with yourself. Grab a blanket, pack your favorite snacks, and find a cozy corner in a nearby park or by a lake. It’s the perfect little escape to enjoy some alone time. Lay back and listen to the birds, dive into a good book, or just watch the clouds roll by. It’s all about giving yourself that sweet break to recharge. It’s also a splendid opportunity to disconnect from the digital world and reconnect with your own thoughts and senses, nurturing your spirit in the process.
Try a pottery class: Have you ever thought about getting your hands a little dirty and creating something beautiful? A pottery class is a fantastic way to do just that! It’s not just about molding clay; it’s about expressing yourself through your art creation and maybe even discovering a road to your hidden self longed for a long time. It’s fun, hand-on way to spend some time learning new skill and maybe make a new friends along the way.
Crochet: Crocheting is another handmade activities you should consider. Picking up a crochet hook and yarn in your hands, it is a simple joy that anyone can start. Whether you’re creating a cozy scarf, a cute amigurumi (little cute animal), or a chic blanket, each stich helps you stich away the stress of the day. The rhythmic motions of crocheting and creating things you desire are almost mediative. Plus, you end up with functional pieces for your home or as gifts. So, grab some yarn and give it a try- it’s a creative and calming activities that might just hook you.
Gardening: Gardening is more than just an activities of growing something and harvest it or enjoy what it brings; it a way to connect with nature right in your own backyard. No matte what seed you are about to plan, each one of those you care is incredibly rewarding. It’s a perfect and affordable way to enjoy the outdoors, improve your home environment and even enhance your meals with home-grown ingredients!
Cook for yourself: Cooking your favorite meal is an easy way to enjoy some alone time. Whether you’re making a quick meal or trying something new, cooking is all about taking care of yourself. You can take your time, enjoy the smells and tastes, and relax while you cook. So, all you need to do is set up a nice spot just for you, play some music you love, and cook something special for yourself. It’s a nourishing way to cherish your own company and enjoy every bite at your own pace.

Up to this point, I hope the idea of starting to date yourself seen a little less daunting. It’s transformative journey that reconnects you with your inner self and uncovers the joys of solitude. Whatever activities you choose, remember that a nourishing time a aloneness is precious— it’s your chance to truly listen to your thoughts and cherish your own company, just as you with a close friend. Are you ready to embark on this journey of self-discovery and personal growth? Thank you for joining me up to this point. I hope you find these insights useful and that they inspire you to explore more about yourself. I’m eager to hear about your experiences—please share your stories in the comments down below.

Now, Let’s start this beautiful journey together. Love!

junewen