On the longest day of the year, I felt differently about than other years back then. I was so excited about who remember my day, what gifts I would receive, what surprise I would have, and many more. This was not the same in this year, the reason my be that I find the good reason for letting me feel special about my day in another way. Accidentally knowing my birthday has another meaning – the longest day in a year and also special enough to have its own name. It is called “summer solstice,” and I start borrowing it as a way to feel special about myself. Not so often would have special on the day they were born, it happens to me.
Time is passing by like a stream at a river, continuing to flow. Asking to take advantage of this annual milestone, I have a chance having moment to pause, reflect, and embrace the whirling of emotions and thoughts that have carried on for years.
At this time last year, I remember I was too busy to care about anything else, there were 2 weeks late for works and I was trying to keep up with work space in the new environment. I barely have any energy left to think about birthday stuff. Honestly, I have never felt happy or enjoy about anything since then, holding my mind with tons of thinking about responsibilities I need to fulfill, what I will be like in the next few years, and whether it will turn out the way I want it. Overwhelming mind with tons of worry thinking, then start laughing and dragging back to the present on and off.
Growing up in a village, worked hard all day under blazing sun to make a living brought me to a real world since I started taking care of everything in the age of 5. That was a really tough time, cake, candle, blessing from someone-it never cease to exist. I get used to it when it comes to birthday. However, I treasure everything even the smallest one happen to me, I feel happy whenever someone does to me which makes me smile all day and even day after. I never blame for things, for my parent worked all day in a fields, for never be pick up at school, for look like as a big sister in the house. One of the precious things I learn from those old days is accept everything cause I was too little to have my own choice.
Having no choice nurturing me stronger than ever, I get used to things really quick, accept every consequence I make. I know deeply inside my mind I have to be the one create and have my own choice when I fully mature in my thinking and my ability. There is no longer being in the time I was a little, choice is never something that I own.
At the same time, I have never thanked enough to the one who always walks alongside me, always be there, keep positive, find solution when I get stuck, myself; is the best one I couldn’t ask more. Be the one will always be there to walk with me through ups and downs, good and bad, and everything that a person could express with only themselves. Thankful to all people I had met, met, and will meet for bringing me something into my life.
I hope you will continue the journey. Keep walking, going, passionate, brave, scared, but never forget to keep on the right track. I am grateful to go this far with you and so excited about the journey we will make together.
Here’s to the past has shaped me, the present that grounds me, and the future to be unfold. Happy birthday to me!
