Blog Archives - Better by Lit

In The Stillness

junewen — Tue, 04 Feb 2025 18:17:52 +0000

I have felt a strange longing for writing lately.

It must have been a long time since I wrote the last blog. It is quite hard for me to settle down in one place for a long time, especially after more than 5 years since the day I moved out and lived far away from my family. Like many, I’m just a child from a small town who move to a big city, hoping to pursue a dream job and a better life after completing my education. I’ve moved 6 times in just two and a half years, and the nostalgic for everything I once had standing in front of my previous home is fading. I am grateful for everything in my life, even the smallest things. Whenever I move, I spend a few minutes looking through every corner of my current place, like a film reel of memories flashing before my eyes from the day I moved in until the last.

I try to imprint my feelings onto every place I’ve stayed, as a way of showing respect and gratitude for the the shelter and nurture I received. Although this is my usual habit, I now feel that the more I move, the less attached I become to each place. I am being swept up by the fast face of technology and daily to-do lists. Moving no longer feels like a challenge or a difficult decision. I’ve become more comfortable with change, welcoming it in whatever form it arrives, which can sometimes be beneficial and sometimes not. Over time, my attachment to places has normalized, which sometimes makes me sad because I fear losing my feelings and becoming indifferent to the life I am living. The simple reason behind this is that I don’t want to lose myself and always strive to appreciate and give thanks for everything that happens to me.

I am naturally curious, which leads me to observe everything quite carefully. I’ve noticed how quickly people can change their personalities and how they communicate with others, not in a good way, which often doesn’t like the person I once know. I’ve questioned this repeatedly, but no one can give me answer and I think might not their concern. Fortunately, I accidentally heard the answer through a psychology show on the radio. They explained that people are often unconsciously influenced by their environments, which naturally affects their personalities. This made sense to me, and since then, I’ve reminded myself to maintain my core values and true self, even as I adapt to new environments.

Life is harsh, and it doesn’t always unfold as we wish. Especially in the modern age, people rush to keep up with social expectations, and this hurried lifestyle inadvertently impacts our lives. I am not different, not taking enough tine to reflect on the places I’ve been and appreciate what I’ve gained. I worried too much about my distant future, trying to escape the harsh realities before me. I’ve wondered if I set my expectations too high, if I was foolish to break norms, or if I was too stubborn about my abilities and dreams. I have never felt as stresses as I do now. It’s like a deep cold that cuts through my body, numbing me. I must breath slowly to avoid pain. I’ve learned that ignoring problems doesn’t make them disappear; they just wait to resurface. When I fail to meet my plans and return to self-criticism, it traps me in a negative cycle that drains all my positive emotions. I feel very exhausted.

Making the significant decision to move to a larger city was daunting because I was unsure of what to do in this strange place. It wasn’t just me moving; others were involved, doubling the effort. I met someone new who didn’t think highly of me, not because of anything I had done but because of their perceptions of my situation, which I’d rather not mention. I’ve experienced a series of uncomfortable emotions and have yet to find anything in this new environment that makes me proud. It feels like a heavy weight on my shoulders, overshadowing all my feelings. I know I must endure and navigate through these challenges, but the thought of it makes my heart ache. The more I try to comfort myself that it will be okay, the deeper the pain feels.

This beginning like this is not like every time I was experienced; it is the most significant time of building and forming my career path for the rest of my life. Of course, it sounds harsh and like such a heavy burden; currently I still feel like I’m on the verge between falling and grounding; everyone has to get through this one before getting a good standing or a good career path after that. So, I think I should be at the moment and do everything I could to fill in the only blank I need to complete all myself. It just likes little sprouts; they need time to take all the nutrients before they are ready to start a new branch and grow heavily, and the growth process of a person also goes through the same; just look at the very same process.

It’s so strange that when I look back at my past, I tend to tell others about those hard times I had been through with a positive and happy feeling; it feels like I did such a great thing or some kind of achievement. I think maybe you feel the same way as I do. Over a month since I moved to a new place, my life was like upside down and was in the chaos; I tried to wear a perfect mask on and pretend I was okay, but actually I wasn’t. I also tried to convince myself it would be just right and nothing I had to worry about; my real emotions were suppressed for so long, which led to me easily getting upset even over the smallest thing.

New year, new place, and new people. I’m still the same person but with a different attitude. I promise myself that I will be more proactive, responsible. Ultimately, everyone makes their own choices, and no one can control or limit other’s abilities or the choices they make. This applies to me as well. I refuse to limit myself; I want to explore freely and live the independent life I’ve dreamed of since I was a little girl in middle school. No matter what happens, remember that you always have choices. The only limits are those of your abilities and your worth.

In some weird way, despite the panic and exhaustion, I also feel grateful and appreciative of the things that have happened to me. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to move, for having real weekends, and for the time to challenges myself.

Get out there, learn as much as you can, step out of your comfort zone, and strengthen your worth. These actions might lead you to the place you want to be. Do what you need to do, trust the process, and everything will be just fine. Ready?

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear” George Addair

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Ready For A Fresh Start

junewen — Thu, 18 Jul 2024 19:40:51 +0000

On July 3rd, I had the most awkward trip I have ever taken. the day before, I was so excited about the small trip I was going to take with my grandma and aunties in the Northeast area. I booked a roundtrip ticket and planned to get there before sundown.

I woke up early to be at the airport before the final call at 5 a.m. I was happy and excited about the flight, smiling and telling myself that I would be at my grandma’s house around 2:20 in the afternoon. That seemed like the perfect time to rest and enjoy the rest of the day, arriving in the time to feel good and enjoy the cozy ambiance right before sundown. However, things didn’t turn our as planned. My seat on both planes was at the very back of the aircraft.

I thought I would be fine without wearing a mask, given my seat location, but combined with the long wait on the plane after landing for about 15 minutes, it wasn’t ideal. All I could think about was how much I wanted to throw up. There were many unpleasant smells around me, the talking noise from everyone around, babies crying, smell of a snack bag intentionally left next to me, and the air coming from the top of the plane. It was the scariest thing ever. I had to hold my breath and tell myself over and over again to squeeze my nose as hard as possible t avoid doing anything embarrassing. Finally, I arrived peacefully and safely. After leaving the airport and waiting for pickup, the story didn’t end there. I was starving since I hadn’t eaten anything since leaving home. My aunties-in-law would pick me up when I landed. Ironically, she needed to go somewhere before heading home, so I had to go with her because I had no choice. On the way, she took the wrong exist twice, which could last forever. Honestly, my patience reached its limit. When I made it home, I ran right into the kitchen ad fast as I could. I seems like people easily get cranky when they are hungry. By that time, I was so exhausted that I hardly feel good, and I struggled to have a small chat with my grandma, my mind wandered while my body was there. The headache and tiredness only subsided after a long 3-4 hour nap once I had eaten. I began to feel like myself and regained my excitement.

The day of the vacation officially started with nice weather, sunshine, and lines of trees on the way to the beach. Everything felt different from where I live. It was a perfect beach day. We spent 4 hours lying on the sand, catching waves, building sandcastles, soaking up the sun, and taking a small nap right on the beach. There was nothing more perfect than that. Spending 4 days and 3 nights there exceeded my expectations. We enjoyed the beach during the day and night at the dock, it was like a dream. The whole picture of the new world barely showed up in front of my eyes, and I haven’t given any thought to what I could

Early Peaceful Morning By The Sea

possibly see in my future. It gave me more reason to push myself harder for a quality life in the future.

Coming from a small town in a small country, having the chance to see stunning and magnificent things in a developed country felt like a magical moment. Making the decision to start life in a new country was the most valuable things I ever considered. Every decision holds a big impact on one’s life. If I hadn’t start life in a new country, I wouldn’t have had the chance to see and experience beautiful things or expand my thinking and vision about life. I wouldn’t have even dreamed of being in such a place or just visiting if i had stayed where I was born.

There is so much abundance in the place I’m going to, in every aspect. A person can make their dreams come true with education and preparation. Access to food and knowledge is easier compared to where I was, where even getting enough meals for a month was a difficult task, and costs often exceeded monthly income. Not to mention the cramped living space share for every function-bathing, washing, restroom and sleeping. Spending few years in such living space taught me the value of decision-making, personal space, and freedom. This trip made me realize that it is a gift of hope, wishful thinking, and believing that there is something better than where I grew up. Finally, here I am, not officially, but partly. The desire to learn and practice repeatedly nurtures me to grow stronger after every small trip.

At this moment, I’m going to start a new journey, feeling scared and uncertain about whether I can make it. There’s a lot of internal conflict, comparing myself to others. Looking up makes me feel less confident, while looking down make me feel ahead of others; I understand that’s not the appropriate way to think about it. I hesitate and underestimate myself sometimes, struggling to get rid of these feelings. But then, I reconsider my feelings, I realize they are just emotions and not a true reflection of my value, knowledge, or abilities. Emotions are temporary and don’t define my potential. It’s like the chemical reactions in our bodies trying to protect us from perceived dangers, they do not have any right to control us.

This trip has been a reminder that life is full of opportunities if we are willing to accept and strive for whatever we feels right for us. Making decisions and striving for better things are essential. I’ve always tried to live actively, not just sitting there and wanting things but working for it, going with the flow, and finishing what needs to be done.

As the season change, so do we. Just like a person who struggles to move from a small village to the outside world, there are many things to learn and adapt to. It can be a fearful and vague process, but eventually, we must step out with all abilities we own, much like a butterfly shedding its cocoon. The process is painful and challenging, but it leads to growth, freedom, and happy life. I learn to see life like that little butterfly, eagerly awaiting the joys and challenges ahead, knowing that the bad day will pass and good day will come eventually.

Write for days with endless thought.

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Excited To Continue This Chapter

junewen — Fri, 21 Jun 2024 12:29:36 +0000

On the longest day of the year, I felt differently about than other years back then. I was so excited about who remember my day, what gifts I would receive, what surprise I would have, and many more. This was not the same in this year, the reason my be that I find the good reason for letting me feel special about my day in another way. Accidentally knowing my birthday has another meaning – the longest day in a year and also special enough to have its own name. It is called “summer solstice,” and I start borrowing it as a way to feel special about myself. Not so often would have special on the day they were born, it happens to me.

Time is passing by like a stream at a river, continuing to flow. Asking to take advantage of this annual milestone, I have a chance having moment to pause, reflect, and embrace the whirling of emotions and thoughts that have carried on for years.

At this time last year, I remember I was too busy to care about anything else, there were 2 weeks late for works and I was trying to keep up with work space in the new environment. I barely have any energy left to think about birthday stuff. Honestly, I have never felt happy or enjoy about anything since then, holding my mind with tons of thinking about responsibilities I need to fulfill, what I will be like in the next few years, and whether it will turn out the way I want it. Overwhelming mind with tons of worry thinking, then start laughing and dragging back to the present on and off.

Growing up in a village, worked hard all day under blazing sun to make a living brought me to a real world since I started taking care of everything in the age of 5. That was a really tough time, cake, candle, blessing from someone-it never cease to exist. I get used to it when it comes to birthday. However, I treasure everything even the smallest one happen to me, I feel happy whenever someone does to me which makes me smile all day and even day after. I never blame for things, for my parent worked all day in a fields, for never be pick up at school, for look like as a big sister in the house. One of the precious things I learn from those old days is accept everything cause I was too little to have my own choice.

Having no choice nurturing me stronger than ever, I get used to things really quick, accept every consequence I make. I know deeply inside my mind I have to be the one create and have my own choice when I fully mature in my thinking and my ability. There is no longer being in the time I was a little, choice is never something that I own.

At the same time, I have never thanked enough to the one who always walks alongside me, always be there, keep positive, find solution when I get stuck, myself; is the best one I couldn’t ask more. Be the one will always be there to walk with me through ups and downs, good and bad, and everything that a person could express with only themselves. Thankful to all people I had met, met, and will meet for bringing me something into my life.

I hope you will continue the journey. Keep walking, going, passionate, brave, scared, but never forget to keep on the right track. I am grateful to go this far with you and so excited about the journey we will make together.

Here’s to the past has shaped me, the present that grounds me, and the future that beckons will be revealed. Happy birthday to me!

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To Summer Memories

junewen — Tue, 04 Jun 2024 19:26:56 +0000

I was entering the first day of the summer with light rain outside the window, where I was always loved. Summer might be the most excited season for everyone, especially for kids because they don’t need to go to school. Summer lies between love and hate for parents; time they need to set up their work schedule for a small vacation go somewhere and spend time with kid after the cold season has passed.

However, seasonal changes always make people feel tired of the weather, which is not stable one day cold and another day hot, making people easy to get sick at the same time. The process of change always brings an unpleasant with satisfying at once; it ceases to get noticed when thinking about stepping into the next season of the year. In my opinion, it brings such a noise and excitement, I never give changing season any attention or give them any meaning, because basically it has no name. For me, no name doesn’t mean nothing; it always carries a big meaning for me in some sense. It is time to prepare to get ready to look back and see whether we are on the right track of our goal had been set in a year, whether we are still in control or let the time of a day with 24 hours wash us away, whether we are ready, learn, and practice hard enough preparing the glorious achievement at the end of the year. Sometimes, I carelessly forget that I just have the same amount of time as everyone else, so I waste that valuable time in a day doing unnecessary things and then keep complaining about being unable to do this or that within a short time. Those regularly brother me years earlier.

Observing the seasonal changes has helped me understand a significant lesson: Don’t ever underestimate or overlook anything; even if the thing doesn’t have a name for it, it still brings something that we humans are arrogant and lazy to see.

Summer often goes with such a beautiful scene and relaxing feeling; lying down on the beautiful beach with a cup of coconut water, time for travel, road trip, BBQ party, or just a small garden back of the house full of flowers and herbs.

This year’s summer is unlike any other to me, surrounded by ordinary things that surprise me with a very different feeling that I normally do not experience. The street across wears beautiful green clothes made from huge trees lined up, a cozy look right in the first month of summer. I get up by alarm made by nature, hearing bird chirping, the sound of leaves rubbing against each other from the orphan wind (which we usually call in my home country), and sunlight shining through windows. Those things every day make me feel how grateful I am to feel and see how nature can be beautiful like that. Perhaps changing seasons means something special to me, reminding me of my memories that I forgot. Might the reason be spending to much time on screen, checking email, mindlessly look on social media post has literally dulled our senses to the profound beauty and raw emotions of the real world?

I realize that no matter how many tools there are on this day to help people entertain or spend time on screen to relax, nothing can compare to the real things out there. I can see, feel, and touch, but I cannot take it and own it for myself. Have you ever notice that the smell of the wind in the air is totally different in every month? And, I think I cannot feel and embrace it when paying attention to the virtual world.

I am ready to step into the next season, with so much fun and a lot of things need to be done. Don’t forget to word hard and also relax hard, because our body need to maintain energy for keep doing and performing the good work.

Summer is officially coming.

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